


To Ponder is to Plan

by brucewaynesturtleneck



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, M/M, Suicide Attempt, The Great Gatsby References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21824344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brucewaynesturtleneck/pseuds/brucewaynesturtleneck
Summary: Barbara texts him the address of where Oswald was spotted. Gun in hand, Ed makes his way to the rooftop. Of all the things he expected to see when he opened the door, Oswald trying to take his own life was not one of them.
Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma
Comments: 22
Kudos: 88





	1. Fundamental Question of Philosophy

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly, if you're struggling with suicidal thoughts, please don't read this fic. I would never want my writing to cause people struggling to want to harm themselves.
> 
> Secondly, I wrote this as a change to season 3 episode 12. In this version, Ed didn’t get that guy to pretend to be the ghost of Oswald’s father and Ed didn’t do anything to disturb the body. Oswald doesn’t kill the man who was stepping in for Ed’s job, he finishes the interview without issue.

“There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. Judging whether life is or is not worth living amounts to answering the fundamental question of philosophy.”

\- Albert Camus, _ The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays _

——

Oswald Cobblepot was a troubled man. This, of course, is putting it lightly. Growing up fatherless, and with his mother being the only consistent source of his happiness and love, Oswald suffered greatly with issues regarding his mental health. It didn’t help that he was bullied constantly as a child. It wasn’t just being laughed at or picked on, it was being shoved, punched, slapped, spat on and insulted. The torment never seemed to end - he was trapped in what he perceived to be an unbreakable cycle. Long before he had ever met Fish Mooney, Oswald would find himself wandering the Brown Bridge, which he had come to nickname simply “the bridge”. On his lowest days, he would stand on the bridge, staring out at the water, wondering how long it would take for his body to be recovered after he met his end in the waves. Those beautiful, enticing, perilous waves. Although he would sometimes fantasize, he never attempted to jump. There was always something to hold on to, something he didn’t want to lose.

One day he would be spared by Jim Gordon in a selfless act, one he never fully understood. Despite not knowing who he was back then, someone had decided for him that his life had value. Oswald considered himself fortunate to survive and became unbelievably resourceful. Over time, as he grew in power and authority in Gotham, he would still visit the bridge, but without the intent to do himself harm. When Oswald would go to the bridge, he watched the gentle waves below and remind himself that he never would have accomplished all that he had if he’d decided to take his own life all that time ago.

From the time Jim Gordon saved him, to the mere moments before his mother died, Oswald viewed his life as a blessing. The death of his mother, though, broke something within him. A nerve was hit that ignited an anger he’d never experienced before. Oswald felt that her death was entirely preventable and that his actions were responsible for it. Helping Jim kill Galavan didn’t make anything better. Arkham wasn’t much help either. If anything, it made him feel more out of control. Meeting his father helped him for a brief time, but when he was murdered, Oswald was at one of his lowest points yet again. He acted out of anger and resentment, as he did after the death of his mother, but he was beginning to lose his sense of self. The only two people he had ever loved at that point were murdered and he carried the guilt of their deaths with him every day. In his mind, he should have done more. He should have been smarter. He should have planned better. He should have saved them.

Then there was Ed. The cunning, charming, endearing and handsome Edward Nygma. The man he fell in love with. The man he hurt in the cruelest way imaginable. Oswald’s parents both loved him dearly, but he was always worried about disappointing them. He never had to worry about disappointing Ed. Oswald wanted to impress him because Ed knew he was perfectly capable of handling any situation thrown his way. Having Isabella killed was Oswald’s desperate attempt at salvaging what remained of his heart and capacity for love. He wanted to keep the only man who knew almost all of his flaws but believed in him regardless to be kept all for himself. Driving Ed away was never his intention, but he also never intended for Ed to find out. Oswald knows now that even if it hurt, he should have let Ed be with Isabella. He should have made Ed’s happiness more of a priority. His love for Ed should have been selfless. It’s just more evidence to prove he’s incapable of protecting anyone he loves.

Maybe he deserved to lose Ed.

His head hurts.

——

Today was the day Edward Nygma planned to kill Oswald Cobblepot. Or at least, that’s what he’d told Barbara, Thing 1 and Thing 2. If he was being honest with himself he wasn’t entirely sure of what he wanted. He just knew he needed to find the Penguin.

“Where the hell is he?” He muttered angrily to himself. Ed was getting sick of looking for Oswald. He felt like he’d searched all of Gotham, coming up completely empty. It was as if Oswald had vanished out of thin air. He wasn’t in any of his usual spots and Ed was beyond frustrated.

His phone rang. Barbara. “What?” He snapped into the phone.

“Oh, Eddie, I do love your kind greetings.”

When Ed didn’t respond out of annoyance, Barbara continued after a sigh. “I found him. He’s on some rooftop. My guess is he knows you’re after him and he thinks he can hide in plain sight or something. I’ll text you the address of the building.”

_ Finally. A rooftop? Really? No wonder that irritating bird has been so hard to catch_. _Coward_, Ed thought to himself. _ That’s all Oswald ever had been. A complete and utter coward_. He was wrong for ever believing in him. He was even more wrong for trusting him.

The building wasn’t too far from where he was, but it was so tall that it was impossible to see most of the rooftop. Ed walked briskly.

——

Oswald didn’t go to the bridge. Because dying there would be meaningful. It would make sense for him to die at the place he’d been eyeing for so long. But in his manic state, nothing had meaning. Nothing made sense. His death wouldn’t matter and that stupid bridge didn’t either. It’s ironic that he thinks this way - that jumping off the ledge would have no meaning. Instead of overdosing or hanging himself, he preferred for as many bones in his body to break as possible. He opted for his blood to be spilled on the concrete pavement instead of across the porcelain tiles in his bathroom. He chose to die an ugly death because he didn’t know how to justify giving himself a beautiful one. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve anything.

He was only acutely aware that his entire body was trembling. Oswald’s fists were clenched and his arms moved awkwardly and with uncertainty. Tears wouldn’t stop running down his face, blurring his vision and making him even more disoriented. His jaw was also clenched, so tightly that his teeth hurt. He wanted to scream, but the only sound he could manage was whimpers. He paced in a small circle, his hands now hitting his head. He was close to the ledge, and he went back and forth between looking at it and looking at the ground below him.

His empire, his world, Gotham - nothing mattered. All that he loved he had lost or was close to losing.

He felt like he was falling and floating all at once. It was suffocating.

His legs shook so much that he could no longer hold himself up and he tumbled to the ground of the rooftop, curling in fetal position. Everything was impossibly loud. Every conversation from the world below, music that played far off in the distance, every bird that flew nearby and his own staggered and uncontrolled breathing that turned to shallow gasps for air.

——

“You think you can hide from me?” Ed asked spitefully, opening the door that led to the rooftop, gun in hand. His eyes fell on the crumpled body of Oswald, which shook so frantically that what he was seeing didn’t fully register in his brain immediately.

“Oswald?” He dropped his gun and moved without thinking. 

He was by Oswald’s side in an instant. He’d never moved so quickly.

“Oswald?” He repeated, with an added sense of urgency. 

Ed’s hand held Oswald’s face so that he could look him in the eyes, but his touch was light, like he was holding porcelain that could break at any moment. It’s said that people look through you when something’s not right. But that didn’t happen. Ed was being looked at, but not by Oswald. The man looking back at him was a hollow version of Oswald, terrified and lost.

“Oswald? Please just try and breathe, okay?”

Oswald violently broke from his grasp, shoving Ed and getting so close to the edge that he almost fell. Oswald let out a small sob when he didn’t. Ed grabbed him by the waist and jerked him to the ground. He suddenly understood that this was more than a panic attack or a breakdown. Of all the things he expected to see when he opened the door, Oswald trying to take his own life was not one of them.

“Oswald? Listen to me. I’m right here. I’m not going to let you hurt yourself,” Edward said, trying to make his voice sound calming, but his anxiety was obvious.

Oswald tried to hit him and push him away, but Ed just held him.

“Oswald.”

Oswald wouldn’t look at him.

“Os.”

Oswald was struggling to breathe, but he still tried to get out of Ed’s grip, squirming and fighting. Ed pulled him so close that he could feel Oswald’s pounding heartbeat. Oswald screamed a weak, hoarse scream with what little air was in his lungs.

“Shh, I’m here. I’m here. You’re going to be okay; I promise you. Just breathe. I’m here.”

Ed’s eyes were filled with tears and he wasn’t even aware of it.

Oswald began to breathe more normally and Ed’s grip on his remained firm as they half-laid half-sat on the ground of the rooftop. When Ed heard Oswald trying to say something, he pulled back enough to watch his lips move, but made sure he wouldn’t get far if he tried to abruptly move up again.

“I don’t w-want to do this anymore. I keep - I keep hurting ev-everyone and I-”

Ed successfully attempted to silence him with a kiss to his temple. He wasn’t sure what compelled him to do that, but he didn’t regret it. Perhaps he knew it was the only thing he could do besides hold Oswald to make him feel grounded. Perhaps he just didn’t want to watch Oswald cry any longer. He kissed him once again, this time on his forehead, and used one hand to wipe Oswald’s tears, keeping the other hand firmly in place around him to keep him still.

“I’m here now. I’m here,” Ed said, returning his hand to where it had been before.

They both cried, Ed holding Oswald in his arms.

“Just let me die,” Oswald wept, his eyelids getting heavy and he grew even more exhausted. “I d-d-deserve it.”

But he didn’t deserve it. Ed may have brought a loaded gun, but whether he consciously realized it or not, he was never going to kill Oswald. Aligning with Barbara, Butch and Tabitha and planning to kill Oswald was really nothing more than a game to him. He didn’t care about Isabella nearly as much as he had cared about Ms. Kringle; he’d only just met her. Ed was just so angry that Oswald would take the life away from someone who brought him happiness, especially after he had trusted and supported him for so long. Ed just wanted to feel in control. He was banking on Oswald to say something unpredictable that would stop him from pulling the trigger. The entire plan was a bluff to keep Oswald from ever trying to hurt him again. He would pick Oswald over Isabella a thousand times over.

“You deserve to live, Os. I need you here. Gotham needs you. Hell, you’re mayor because Gotham believes that you can make the world a better place. You have value. And purpose. You’re one of the bravest and most resilient men I’ve ever had the honor of knowing. You’re my best friend. I can’t lose you.”

It was unclear how much Oswald had heard, because Ed realized soon after noticing that his breathing had become more consistent and slowed that Oswald had passed out in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed chapter 1! Well, not the whole Oswald trying to kill himself thing. Or the part where Ed tried to kill him. Now that I'm typing this, I really can't see why anyone would enjoy this chapter, but if you made it through congrats! There's definitely more chapters to come, but fair warning, I'm not sure how frequently I'll post updates.
> 
> It has been a longgg time since I've written a fanfiction. Any and all feedback is appreciated. <3


	2. Unquiet Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where are we going by the way?”
> 
> “On an adventure.”
> 
> “An adventure where?”
> 
> “An adventure is an experience, not a destination,” Ed replied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas Eve my dear readers!
> 
> Before you begin reading this chapter, please be aware of "The Great Gatsby" spoilers and references. If you’ve already read and/or watched "The Great Gatsby", that’s perfect! If you have no intentions of ever reading and/or watching "The Great Gatsby", there may be a few references you won’t understand, but this chapter will still be easy to follow.

“You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest and most beautiful person I have ever known - and even that is an understatement.”

\- F. Scott Fitzgerald

——

There was light all around him when he awoke. The bedsheets and pillows seemed such a bright shade of white that they almost glowed. The room had a chill to it, but the bed was so warm that an eternity could be spent there without complaint. Oswald wondered if he had died and had entered Heaven.

“Rise and shine princess!” A voice said sarcastically.

“It’s time to get up.” _ Nope_, _ this was Hell_. _ Definitely Hell_.

He turned over in the opposite direction as the voice and hid his face in a pillow in a fruitless attempt to fall back asleep. But suddenly the warmth that surrounded him was taken away as the covers were pulled. Oswald groaned with discontent. He turned back in the direction of the voice, locking eyes with a smiling Ed. He didn’t return his smile.

“Come on then. You slept through dinner last night and now that you’re awake, you have no excuse to miss another meal.”

Memories began flooding back from the previous day. Oswald hadn’t forgotten being on the rooftop of a building, but he couldn’t recall the gap between Ed holding him in his arms and waking up in bed. He realized he had to have been asleep for - what? Fourteen, fifteen hours? Something else also occurred to him.

“Ed? Did you… kiss me yesterday?” Oswald asked, tilting his head slightly.

A faint, but just-noticeable pink blush spread across Ed’s face as he brought his hands together in a quick motion and said, “Olga made breakfast, it would be a shame if it got cold and went to waste. So, let’s get a move on, shall we?” 

Had he been in a better headspace, Oswald may have laughed.

Oswald turned to sit on the bed, legs dangling over the edge. He’d gotten out of bed without issue on his own since the morning after he’d gotten his limp, but he didn’t refuse Ed’s help when he held out his hands for him to grab onto. Their hands lingered even after Oswald had gotten down.

They were walking together to the kitchen when Oswald asked, “How did I get into pajamas? You said I’ve been asleep since… yesterday afternoon?”

“Olga changed your clothes. I let her know what had happened, and after scolding me for not taking better care of you - and saying something in angrily in Russian that I didn’t quite pick up on -, she changed you into pj’s and had the clothes you were wearing washed.” Oswald nodded as they sat at the breakfast table, which already had every dish placed. Ed quickly swiped the knife from Oswald’s place setting.

“How did I get back to the mansion from the building?”

“Well,” Ed responded, picking out the food he wanted, “I had to carry you. Not very different than when I had to get you from the woods to my apartment. You weren’t light, but far from being too heavy. It was more difficult to find a way to get you back home without people seeing you and wondering what I’d done to the poor mayor.”

Oswald felt sick, as he thought of the roof. He could’ve been dead right now had he not been so manic. The mention of the woods only reminded him of his poor mother, dead because of him. A hefty but familiar weight fell on his chest, making it harder to breathe.

——

Adding a piece of toast to his plate, Ed asked playfully, “I can sometimes be a stick, but I don’t come from a tree. What am I?” 

Ed finally looked up at Oswald after he didn’t respond, knowing that a riddle about butter could be accurately answered without much thought. It was very seldom that Oswald wouldn’t attempt to answer one of Ed’s riddles, as difficult or as easy as they may be. 

“Oswald?”

But the mayor didn’t respond that time either. He instead was staring off with a look of dread, appearing pale and nervous. Ed got out of his chair and slowly knelt beside Oswald.

“Hey, it’s okay. May I hold your hand?” When Oswald nodded after a moment, Ed took his hand and squeezed it gently. 

“I’m right here. Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” Ed asked, not really expecting much of a response.

“Why?” Oswald asked, turning to face Ed, his blue eyes filled with a great rage and an even greater sadness. 

“Why didn’t you let me die up there yesterday? Why are you toying with me now? You’re pretending like I didn’t have Isabella killed! You know I did! That’s why you left, isn’t it? And don’t lie to me and pretend you weren’t on that roof yesterday to kill me!” 

Surprisingly, despite his outburst, he didn’t let go of Ed’s hand.

With a solemn expression, Ed responded, “Can we talk about this a little bit later? I understand that you’re upset, I do, but please, you need to eat or you’ll make yourself sick.”

“No, Ed. We’re talking about this right now. Just tell me you hate me. Tell me that you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done and that all of this,” he motioned with his free hand at Ed and the food on the table, “is all just to screw with me before you put a bullet in my skull.” 

His words were harsh, but his tone was contrite. A tear rolled down Oswald’s cheek.

“Fine, we’ll talk about it then. I was angry - no, I was furious - with you when Barbara told me you had Isabella killed. I couldn’t believe you would ever do something to take my happiness away. When I found out it was true, I wanted to hurt you for hurting me. But I realized something.” 

Ed used the hand that wasn’t intertwined with Oswald’s to wipe one of his tears and then brush a strand of his messy hair back into place. Even crying, Ed still found him beautiful.

“I killed Ms. Kringle’s boyfriend. I did it to protect her because I cared for her deeply. You had Isabella killed because you care about me. You knew I might kill her. And you didn’t want me to kill someone I thought I loved. You didn’t want the pain I suffered from guilt to break me the way it broke you. In your own way, you wanted to protect me.”

“I did it because I wanted you all to myself! Don’t justify it!” Oswald cried out, hurt lining his voice.

“Oswald, I killed that… disgraceful excuse for a man for two reasons. One, he was hurting Ms. Kringle, and two, I wanted her to be with me instead of him. So I understand why you did what you did. I don’t hate you for it. If I did, I would be a hypocrite. It just took yesterday’s… events to make me see just how precious you are to me.” 

Oswald took a deep breath. And then another.

“Ed,” he said in a quiet voice, seemingly devoid of all the rage he had earlier. “Will you stay? Or are you planning on leaving again?”

Ed looked him in his eyes and responded, “I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me.” 

He stood up and returned to his seat after giving Oswald’s hand one last squeeze.

“Now, no more pouting, it’s time to eat. I don’t know about you but I’m starving.”

They ate in a comfortable silence. As always, Olga’s cooking didn’t fail to impress. Oswald ate more food than Ed had anticipated and he smiled at that. When they had both finished their food, Olga came in to collect their dishes, glancing at Oswald with sorrow. 

They both stood up from the table and Ed announced, “We have big plans for the day! And don’t worry about your mayoral duties, this is your day off so we’re going to have some fun.”

——

Never in his wildest dreams did Oswald imagine he’d be in his walk-in closet with Ed sitting on the end of his bed giving him fashion advice. Ed told him to wear something that “screamed adventure, with a hint of mystery” and was “preferably green” as if that was going to somehow give him an idea for an outfit. Apparently a suit and really any kind of formal wear weren’t what Ed had in mind.

“I think I found something!” Oswald called from the closet. 

He’d been just showing each piece of clothing on its hanger to Ed from the doorway, but he’d found something worth at least trying on first. It took him a minute or two to get dressed, as having a bad leg injury doesn’t make changing easy. He stepped out of the closet in a pine green sweater that was a size too big with tapered and cuffed dark wash jeans. 

“Do I look okay?” Oswald asked, unconsciously pulling the ends of the sweater to cover his hands.

Ed smiled as he responded, “You look magnificent.” 

Oswald looked away, flustered at the compliment. Ed got up from his spot and walked over to the doorway Oswald stood under. He dusted off Oswald’s sweater at his shoulders with both hands, then leaned in close just above his neck.

“It still has the tag on it,” Ed whispered right next to his ear. 

He removed it in one swift motion and stepped back to take a look at Oswald’s outfit once more. When Ed saw that Oswald’s eyes stared longingly at him, he smirked. Oswald’s brain went fuzzy. He had to have imagined that entire encounter. Ed’s next words seemed to break him from his trance.

“I need to get changed myself, and you, little bird, need to comb your hair before we leave,” Ed said, counterintuitively using a hand to muss up Oswald’s hair. Oswald liked the new pet name more than he cared to admit. Ed noticed the blush that began to creep on Oswald’s face and made a mental note to keep “little bird” in his vocabulary.

“But you look just fine,” the shorter man replied. Ed was wearing grey slacks with a matching suit jacket, a white collared shirt and a simple black tie. Oswald wasn’t sure if he said this because Ed actually did look fine or if he just wanted him to stay longer. 

“While I’m flattered, my outfit doesn’t scream adventure. Are you already forgetting my criteria?” Ed joked. 

He added, “I’ll be back in less than five minutes, I promise.” 

And with that, Ed was gone. 

Oswald went to the vanity in his bathroom and stared back at his reflection in the mirror. He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. Maybe doing something new with his hair would make him feel a little better. He was used to combing it towards the front of his face, so he instead combed it back. He instinctively reached for his hair gel, but stopped himself and reached for hairspray instead. Oswald sprayed as he combed, turning his head to see what he was doing in the mirror. He almost smiled when he was finished. He considered putting on eyeliner, but decided against it considering that he was trying something new anyway. Oswald stared at his outfit next. While he preferred purple, green was a good color on him. He looked more like a normal person than someone with a city to run.

A knock came from his bedroom door. Oswald left his bathroom, turning off the light as he left, and Ed entered his bedroom again. He wore a grey turtleneck with black pants and a denim jacket.

“Do I look okay?” Ed said, echoing Oswald’s words early.

And Oswald, picking up on this, replies, “You look magnificent.” 

And there it was, a smile that crept onto his lips. Ed’s eyes widened slightly in surprise just before he returned his smile.

“Do you think you’ll be needing your cane?”

“No. Not unless you’ve scheduled an important meeting on my ‘day off’.”

“We should be on our way then.” 

They left the mansion together. Parked out front was a black “Aston Martin V8 Vantage convertible,” Ed announced proudly. Now Oswald wasn’t much into cars, and he didn’t take Ed for a car guy, but he could appreciate both the beauty and pricetag of the shiny vehicle. Ed opened the passenger’s side door for Oswald to get in and crossed over to the driver’s seat.

“Hey Ed?”

Ed put the key in the ignition and turned it to start the car. “Hm?”

“You’re my green light,” Oswald said in reference to Ed driving him around. Among… other reasons.

“Wait… are you suggesting-”

“Hi Daisy,” Oswald said with a small giggle. Ed feigned a reaction of hurt and offense and glared at him before returning his eyes to the road.

“But I hate Daisy! Everyone hates Daisy! Well, besides Jay. And maybe Tom. And maybe also Jordan. Anyway, can’t I be Nick instead?”

“That would absolutely make no sense.”

“Fine, then _I’m_ Gatsby and _you’re_ Nick.”

“I… can live with that.”

“Glad to hear it, old sport.” Oswald smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Where are we going by the way?”

“On an adventure.”

“An adventure where?”

“An adventure is an experience, not a destination,” Ed replied. 

This didn’t satisfy Oswald’s curiosity - not in the slightest - but he knew wherever they were going, Ed had planned out. Where they ended up, he then presumed, had to have some specific significance. 

The radio came on at some point, but Oswald couldn’t pinpoint exactly when. He stared out of the window and for the first time in a long time, he could just sit back and watch the world around him. He watched cars and buildings pass by. Minutes turned to hours and the frequency of those cars and buildings decreased. Being out of Gotham felt surreal. The world seemed to slow down. There was no urgency, no pressure, just the countryside and all of its simplicity.

“Wow,” Oswald breathed. 

Red, pink, blue, white and purple flowers were planted along in the fields on both sides of the roads that seemed to stretch on infinitely. Upon hearing his reaction, Ed slowed the car and pulled over on the dirt road.

“What are you doing?” Oswald asked, worried something may have been wrong with the car for Ed to have pulled over so suddenly. 

But Ed was smiling when Oswald had turned to ask him.

“Pick one. Or as many as you want. Assemble a bouquet if you’d like to.”

“Wha-” Oswald began, but Ed was already unbuckled and stepping out of the car. Oswald followed his lead and unbuckled his seatbelt. 

——

Ed opened the door for him, still smiling, and held out his hand to help Oswald step out of the car. Oswald felt his eyes water. Ed’s face dropped immediately.

“Are you alright? Is something wrong? We can leave if-” 

“It’s just so beautiful,” Oswald said with a soft smile, taking Ed’s hand to step out. Ed breathed a sigh of relief and smiled once again. _ No more beautiful than you, little bird, Ed thought. _

__

__

“I’m glad you think so.”

__

__

Oswald’s eyes searched around the field. “I want the purple ones. What kind of flowers are they?”

__

__

_“Lathyrus odoratus_. Commonly known as sweet peas.”

__

__

The flowers weren’t separated out in rows of the same color, which meant the “purple ones” weren’t just in one spot. Ed and Oswald searched the field extensively together and only picked the most vivid and healthy-looking sweet peas. The duo were careful to walk so that they didn’t crush any flowers as they went on their search. When they returned to the car, Oswald was holding his meticulously assembled bouquet. Ed opened the passenger’s side door for him. Now that they were out of Gotham, Ed wasn’t so worried about people spotting him or Oswald. As such, before getting in the driver’s seat and driving off, he took the top off of the car. 

__

__

“Os?” Oswald had been admiring his flowers, but turned to face Ed.

__

__

“Yes, Ed?”

__

__

“Would you like to continue on with our adventure?”

__

__

“There’s… more?” Oswald looked surprised, but seemed excited at the prospect of continuing on instead of turning back to the mansion.

__

__

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Ed replied as he got back onto the road and drove.

__

__

——

__

The wind felt cold on Oswald’s skin but there was something freeing about it. The breeze felt like music after a lifetime of silence. He was safely secured by his seatbelt and Ed wasn’t going excessively above the speed limit, but he knew how it felt to fly.

__

__

“Hey Oswald, are you hungry?” 

__

__

_ Oh. _He’d forgotten about lunch.

__

__

“I could eat.” 

__

__

They’d been on a dirt road for some time and the countryside had become more wooded. The car was soon parked just out front of what Oswald assumed had to be a coffee shop based on the sign, which said in bold letters read “Violet’s Espresso”. Ed and Oswald looked over at each other simultaneously and grinned before heading inside.

__

__

There was no one else inside besides them. Oswald had a suspicion that would be the case. Yet there was food waiting for them, prepared not long before they had arrived. 

__

__

“Interesting choice of seating,” Oswald mentioned. 

__

__

There were several tables in the coffee shop, even one that was in the very center of the place. The table that had been prepared for them was positioned right beside a large window towards the back. And with the surrounding area being so forested, one would think that window would face the large array of trees. The land it faces, however, showed that the coffee shop was on an incline. So, while there were indeed trees, the window offered a greater view of the sky than anything else.

__

__

“It was picked for a good reason.”

__

__

“Oh, I’m sure of that. You’ve always been great with planning,” Oswald remarked.

__

__

“Speaking of… planning.” Oswald looked at him intently as he took a bite of one of the sandwiches from his plate.

__

__

“Oswald, I can’t figure it out. You’ve always known what you want and you make a plan to acquire whatever it is. So if you wanted to die, why fall from a rooftop? Yesterday, did you even write a note? If you wanted to die, wouldn’t you have been more elaborate? Wouldn’t you have wanted people to figure out why?” 

__

__

Oswald stared down at his plate and didn’t respond for a moment.

__

__

“You’re right. I do know what I want. And yesterday, I just felt so out of control that I didn’t want to give my death purpose, I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I was having a manic episode. There was no plan, just the intent. If I wasn’t so panicked and was more serious about dying, I did have a plan,” Oswald said, his volume just above a whisper.

__

__

“What was it?” 

__

__

Oswald took a deep breath. “You can cross me many times over, but burn me once and I’ll never return. What am I?”

__

__

“Oh, Oswald.” 

__

__

They were both quiet for a while until Ed spoke again.

__

__

“Which one?”

__

__

“The Brown Bridge,” he replied immediately, having anticipated the question. 

__

__

He continued.

__

__

“Had it picked out since I was seventeen. I stopped having suicidal thoughts for a while and would visit on occasion just to tell myself how much my life had improved. But recently, I’ve just been feeling like things will never get better. Like I’ll never be happy. With my mom and dad gone, I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore.” 

__

__

Ed bit the inside of his cheek. This wasn’t easy for either of them.

__

__

“And then you decided to take me on this trip. Today… feels so easy. I just keep thinking ‘I never would’ve seen the world like this if I was gone’. You got me up this morning. You made sure I ate and got dressed. You made me leave the house. And I can never thank you enough.” 

__

__

Ed’s eyes were watery when he responded, “You don’t need to thank me. If roles were reversed, you’d do the same for me.” 

__

__

Oswald smiled softly and nodded.

__

__

“Please pardon my egregious timing, but I’ve got a simple riddle for you.”

__

__

“I hopefully have an answer for you. Please, ask away.”

__

__

“I peek through windows, but I cannot touch them. I bring you warmth, but I can also blind you. What am I?”

__

__

“The sun?” Ed tilted his head and looked toward the window, prompting Oswald to also look outside. Shades of pink, orange and yellow painted the sky.

__

__

“I don’t know how often you’re able to just sit and watch the sun set, but I figured if we could together, why not have the best view?”

__

__

The two men talked for a while, turning to look at the sunset and back at each other. After finishing both of their meals, Ed and Oswald walked back to the car. Oswald took a single flower from his bouquet and removed most of its stem. As Ed turned to buckle his seatbelt, Oswald tried tucking the flower behind his ear without success. The flower fell and Ed picked it up, moving the temple tip of his glasses to hold the flower in place.

__

__

“Do I look okay?” He looked at the grinning mayor before starting the car to get back on the road.

__

__

“You look… artsy,” he replied, stifling a laugh.

__

__

“Wait, is that a bad thing?”

__

__

“No! No, of course not. I guess I’m just not used to you looking so… I don’t know, soft?”

__

__

“Soft?”

__

__

“Well, you’re always dressed like you’ve got business meetings all day. It’s nice to see you with a new style.”

__

__

“That’s fair. I can say the same for you. Oh, and I like what you’ve done with your hair. I can’t remember if I’ve already complimented you on it. It suits you nicely.”

__

__

This was the shortest distance Ed drove for the duration of the trip. The top of the car was still down and the chilly air was delightful. Robins chirped and sang as the night grew darker.

__

__

“Oswald, close your eyes. It’ll just be for a minute or two.”

__

__

He complied, shutting his eyes and smiling in enthused anticipation. He felt the car come to a stop shortly thereafter. 

__

__

“Okay, just another minute. Try and unbuckle your seatbelt, and I’ll help you out of the car.” 

__

__

Ed led Oswald out of the car, shutting the door behind him and walking him forward.

__

__

“You can open your eyes. Welcome to Utopia.”

__

__

Lights hung elaborately from a leafless tree which stood alone in a grassy piece of land. Below the tree was a blanket and a basket. On the blanket was a wooden tray that held a clear pitcher containing lemonade, two glasses filled with ice and two plates with proper utensils lying atop.

__

__

“Ed… wow. Just… wow. You continue to impress me and outdo yourself. Everything looks so lovely.”

__

__

“Why thank you. Would you like to - oh! Wait a moment. What is higher without a head than with it?” Ed asked, returning to the car and reaching down into the backseat. 

__

__

“I don’t know, the mortality rate?”

__

__

“A pillow!” Ed announced, grabbing two pillows and holding them up.

__

__

“How did I not notice -”

__

__

“I really don’t know; they’ve been there since we got in the car this morning. I figured you would mention them at some point, but I guess I was able to pull off an additional surprise. Anyway, shall we?”

__

__

They went over to the blanket and Ed laid down the pillows. Oswald sat beside Ed when he recalled something.

__

__

“Didn’t you have a picnic the day you were burying your…” Oswald made a vague hand gesture, not wanting to upset Ed by mentioning Kristen’s name.

__

__

Ed’s eyes widened and he gaped at the realization. It was obvious that this fact hadn’t occurred to him.

__

__

“Oswald, I promise, I truly didn’t mean to-”

__

__

“No, Ed, don’t you remember? That’s the day you decided for the first time to help me when I needed it most. I actually find it very sweet. So much has happened since then.” 

__

__

Ed relaxed and agreed.

__

__

“I was so lost before I got to know you,” Ed said, looking off into the distance contemplatively.

__

__

“For being lost, you sure motivated me when I felt like my world was falling apart.”

__

__

“It seems like we complete each other,” Ed said, not realizing the gravity of his words until after they were spoken.

__

__

But Oswald didn’t react except to smile and say pleasantly, “it would seem so.”

__

__

Ed poured them both lemonade and opened up the basket, revealing to Oswald the fruits, cheese, crackers, bread and vegetables it contained. They had just finished eating a rather filling late lunch not too long ago, but the food in the basket was just enough for them to say they had three meals. They ate and talked.

__

__

“This entire adventure, how did you manage to pull it all off?”

__

__

“I called in a few favors,” Ed replied as if it were no big deal, even waving his hand dismissively. He moved to lay down, his head resting on his respective pillow.

__

__

“You know,” Ed began as Oswald also laid down. “It’s a cliché for people on picnics to watch the clouds and try and guess their shapes. But Gotham is always cloudy. So, I figured,” he pointed at the sky the same way he had pointed out the window in the coffee shop. 

__

__

Oswald’s eyes looked up. 

__

__

“Why not stargaze with a clear sky instead?”

__

__

Stars twinkled brightly in the deep blue night sky. Oswald was in awe of its undeniable beauty.

__

__

“I can’t make you appreciate life. That’s something only you can control. But I can seek out what I find beautiful and share it with you.”

__

__

Oswald turned to watch Ed’s brown eyes glimmering with the reflection of the stars. He looked at the way his smile looked so natural and soft on his face. Ed turned to face him.

__

__

“You’re so ravishing,” Oswald breathed. “And I bet you have no idea.”

__

__

“May I kiss you?” Ed asked, his hand reaching out to touch Oswald’s face.

__

__

“Please do.”

__

__

Their lips met in a gentle kiss, one that had been long-awaited by both. The beauty of the sweet peas, the sunset that changed the palette of the sky and even the stars that shone brilliantly in the night couldn’t compare to the affection Ed and Oswald shared for each other in that moment.

__

__

_ Heaven_, Oswald thought. _This is definitely Heaven_.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I tell you guys I spent ENTIRELY too long researching cars and piecing together ideas for their outfits… writing is no joke. I spent more time looking up and sorting through ideas than I did actually writing. Now, when I was looking at cars, I didn’t connect Aston Martin to orphan Martin immediately, but it is a cool coincidence. Also, I’ve come to understand the technical name for the car I used should be “Volante” instead of just “convertible” but I wanted to clarify for readers who aren’t well-versed in the car world.
> 
> Also, since “Gotham” doesn’t take place in one particular time period, but is a mashup of the 70s to the early 2000s, I won’t be referencing things we consider “modern”. Meaning the world I’m writing doesn’t have social media, fashion is a little different, and if I mention things like cars, I’m not referring to recent models.
> 
> Oh! And another important note. Where I live, the sun doesn’t set until just past 5:30. Gotham is supposed to be similar to New Jersey, and in New Jersey, the sun sets around 4:30. I just wanted to clear up that Oswald and Ed had a very late lunch, but for those of us who live in areas where the sun doesn’t set as early, this may have been odd to read.
> 
> I apologize for rambling, but wanted to clear a few things up. As always, thank you for reading. Your support is what keeps me writing. My tumblr is the same as on here (@nopethebookwasbetter) if you want to yell at me to update - please feel free lol. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!


	3. Difficulty

“Life can be magnificent and overwhelming - that is the whole tragedy. Without beauty, love or danger it would almost be easy to live.”

\- Albert Camus

——

Ed and Oswald arrived at the mansion just around midnight. 

After leaving their picnic - which Ed had assured Oswald would be cleaned up after them shortly - Ed put the top back over the car, and it was a good thing that he did. The rain began pouring right around the time they reentered Gotham. Although their trip had taken up the entire day, they were able to get home by traveling on several roads they hadn’t during their little adventure. Instead of dirt roads and altogether unpaved paths, Ed drove over asphalt and concrete along with every other driver who would also be getting home late.

They were both smiling and giggling like complete idiots as they ran to the front door of the mansion, the rain still persistent and unrelenting. It didn’t matter that they were tired, or that it was pouring, they were too joyful to be bothered. Oswald and Ed turned to look at each other as they stopped on the porch, still laughing. 

“I cannot believe you forgot to bring an umbrella,” Oswald said. His hair had gotten wet and raindrops began to drip onto his face, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“I didn’t! I just thought it would be more entertaining not to use it,” Ed said, grinning. Oswald playfully shoved Ed in response. They both laughed, completely delighted by each other. Everything just felt so… _ right_.

“I really enjoyed our trip, Edward. And I appreciate all of the effort you put into it. How you managed to pull it off is beyond me, but I’m eternally grateful for our adventure. Truly.”

“Oh, my dear Carraway, you flatter me. But I am glad you enjoyed it. I’m even more pleased to see you smiling like this again.” 

Ed leaned in and pressed a kiss to Oswald’s forehead. Oswald tried to avoid thinking about how flushed he must have looked. It didn’t matter how many more times Ed kissed him, he was convinced he could never grow tired of it.

“Now, let’s get inside before we both end up with pneumonia,” Ed said, opening the door for Oswald, politely ushering him. 

There were still a few lights on in the mansion as the pair entered. Oswald placed his bouquet gently on the nearest table, knowing Olga would find a vase for it in the morning. Those flowers were meant to be on display.

Before parting to their respective bedrooms, Oswald asked, “Ed?”

“Yes, Oswald?” Ed asked. It was obvious that he was tired, but he still gave Oswald his full attention and a kind smile.

“Do you want to…” Oswald began, fiddling with his hands. He knew exactly what he wanted to ask but actually saying it aloud proved to be difficult.

“Do you want to spend the night in my room?” Oswald asked, this time less hesitantly.

“Oh?” Ed responded, raising an eyebrow. 

His smile had shifted into a smirk but it was clear he was only jesting.

“Just so you can hold me!” Oswald quickly clarified. His face flushed, both in realization of what his question had insulated and at the admission he wanted Ed to hold him. 

“But you don’t have to if you don’t want to, and-”

“I would love to, Os.”

Oswald felt relief wash over him. He thought it best not to say anything else so he wouldn’t stumble over his words and embarrass himself any further.

They parted in the hallway, Ed going to his room to get dressed for bed, Oswald needing to shower. Of course, a bath would have been preferable, but it was already late and he wasn’t convinced he could stay awake for long in a tub. Olga had left a change of clothes for him on one of the counters, and he grabbed a towel before undressing.

His shower was brief, but Oswald thoroughly enjoyed the warmth of the water. He allowed his mind to wander as he bathed, and he realized he could have something back that he’d been so afraid of losing forever: routine. There’s something wonderful about regaining normalcy. Ed had been a constant for him, but when he left, every aspect of Oswald’s life seemed to change in at least some subtle way. If Ed meant what he said about sticking around, then perhaps Oswald really did have a shot at being happy. With that in mind, he knew his old habits of jealousy and possessiveness were ultimately to blame from driving Ed away in the first place. He had to work on himself if he was ever going to be in Ed’s life long-term. If at any point Ed wanted to move out of the mansion permanently, or if Ed were to meet someone else and fall for them, Oswald had to be okay with that, no matter how much it might hurt.

When he was out of the shower and dressed, he brushed through his hair and used a towel to soak up its dampness before walking over to the door. Before he opened it, he heard Ed’s voice coming from his bedroom. 

_ Is he talking to Olga? But that doesn’t make sense, she didn’t greet us at the door which means she’s probably asleep. _

Oswald turned the knob as quietly as he could. His intention was to figure out who Ed was talking to, not necessary to eavesdrop. He peeked through the door as it opened ever so slightly. Ed was alone with a phone to his ear and with his back facing where Oswald stood.

“Don’t worry Barbara, I assure you, I have him wrapped around my finger.”

A burning sensation erupted in Oswald’s chest and he felt the prick of tears in his eyes. He had to cover his mouth so he wouldn’t be noticed as Ed continued the call. If it was to prevent him from sobbing or yelling, he wasn’t sure.

Ed paused, letting Barbara speak before ending the call, saying, “Alright. We’ll be in touch. Bye.”

“You _ what_?” Oswald asked, stepping out of the bathroom. His voice was low and venomous. It sounded more accusatory than he would’ve liked, but he had to be stern or he knew he’d sound weak. Ed turned, caught completely off guard. Oswald so desperately wanted Ed to have good intentions toward him. He did. But what was he supposed to think upon hearing what he said?

“Oswald, I-”

“Because I care for you,” Oswald began, trying to stay calm so he could speak clearly, “I’ll allow you to explain. But know this, if you’re betraying me - if the ‘adventure’ you took me on was all some elaborate ploy to enact your revenge - I will _ never _ forgive you. I won’t ever be able to look you in the eyes again.”

Ed walked over to Oswald and looked down at him, his gaze somehow warm despite Oswald’s cold tone. Ed held out his pinky finger and Oswald stared at the gesture with confusion until Ed spoke.

“I pinky promise you,” Oswald slowly wrapped his own pinky around Ed’s, “I don’t want to hurt you, nor do I want Barbara, Tabitha, Butch or anyone else to.”

“You don’t?”

“No. I swear.”

Oswald’s mind was still racing, but he trusted Ed. 

“Barbara… you told me she told you I had Isabella killed. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but how did she find out?”

Ed looked perplexed at this, like he hadn’t even considered it.

“I really don’t know. I thought that she’d made it up when she told me. And that’s why I had Tabitha’s hand cut off and-”  
  


“I’m sorry, you had _what_ done?” Oswald asked, dumbfounded before he started laughing.

“What?” Ed asked, grinning at Oswald’s amusement.

“So I cut off Butch’s hand and you cut off his girlfriend’s? We’re terrible people, you do realize that, right?” They both snickered before Ed responded, trying to get back to his explanation of everything. 

“She was able to have it reattached, but she undoubtedly wants me dead. Not that I can blame her. I was interrogating her and Butch when it happened. But anyway,” Ed’s tone had shifted as he became more serious. “You have to understand, I was angry and upset. I ended up going to The Sirens. I told Barbara, Butch and Tabitha that I didn’t to want kill you, I wanted to destroy you.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Oswald said sarcastically.

“I thought that ruining your life would make me feel better about… what happened with Isabella.” Ed was tiptoeing around his wording, trying to avoid saying something that would upset Oswald.

“So when you were on that roof, what was your plan to ruin my life? Weren’t you up there to kill me?”

“That’s the thing. Butch_ insisted _ that he have input - for, well, obvious reasons - and then Tabitha wanted to be a part of the plan, and those idiots wouldn’t stop bickering over how they wanted to ruin your life. So after a while of fighting and making no progress, I just told them and Barbara that I would kill you. An eye for an eye - something they could all get on board with.” Ed sat on the bed and motioned for Oswald to join him. 

Ed continued.

“That day on the roof, I had looked for you all over. It wasn’t until Barbara called me that I knew where you were. And thank goodness I got there when I did. I ended up telling her you were sobbing over me and not-” he made a very broad gesture to omit “trying to kill yourself” and Oswald had to stop himself from tittering. At least he was in a good enough headspace to find it funny.

Ed continued, “I didn’t want her to catch onto me trying to take care of you. I told her that I had changed my mind and wanted to make you fall in love with me before I kill you.”

“So you’re betraying her - and by proxy Tabitha and Butch - by telling her that you’re betraying me.” 

Ed nodded.

“Aren’t you clever? But knowing her, she won’t trust you. You’ve changed your plan from destroying my life, to killing me, back to destroying my life. Barbara knows you’re intelligent and your lack of consistency does raise suspicions. She’ll be keeping tabs. She’ll - oh my God.”

“What is it?”

“Not what, Ed, who - Olga! She’s the only person who knew of my feelings for you! Barbara must have paid her off!”

“Wait… hold on, you told _ Olga_? Before me?”

Ed, of course, was just messing with him, but Oswald frowned.

“That night you were getting wine and you met... her, I was going to tell you then. I’d been planning out exactly what I was going to say. I was so excited.”

“Oh Oswald,” Ed said sympathetically, “I had no idea.” 

“None of that matters now,” Oswald said, waving a hand dismissively. “Back to Olga. She won’t do anything to physically harm me, she’s had every opportunity to. But she’s been bought before and Barbara believes her to be a reliable source. We’ll use that to our advantage.”

“So kisses at breakfast and dinner?” Ed teased, pressing a kiss to Oswald’s neck before moving to get on one side of the bed. 

Oswald blushed.

“Whatever it takes to convince Barbara that your plan is working. Meanwhile, I’ll figure out what to do to get those three miscreants back under our thumbs.”

“I can’t ask you to do that, it’s my mess and I dragged you into it. You shouldn’t have to be the one to fix it.”

“No, it’s _ our _ mess. We’ll figure this out together.”

Ed nodded, his smile emphasizing just how tired he felt.

As Oswald crawled into bed, Ed wrapped his arms around him. The shorter man’s face nuzzled in the crook of Ed’s neck as Ed’s fingers ran slowly through his hair.

“We’re going to take over the world someday, Ed.” 

“Gotham isn’t already difficult enough to manage?”

“Not with you by my side.” 

Ed hummed, pleased.

The pair drifted off to sleep shortly thereafter, Oswald knowing he was safe in his happy place - with Ed.

——

Ed expected to wake up first, just as he always had when they’d lived together. He expected to see Oswald still curled up against him. He expected to wake him up gently, watching his eyes open slowly and glimmer from the warm sunlight that peaked in through the windows. Ed didn’t expect to wake up alone.

He heard something fall in the bathroom onto the tile floor. He rose from the bed almost instantly.

Oswald had his face hidden in his hands, elbows leaning against his vanity as he sat, quietly crying. The vanity was covered in a mess of paperwork and hair styling products. A brush lay on the floor. Ed knew logically that there would be times like this - times where Oswald would still struggle with his mental health, and that might mean getting anxious or being closed off. But watching it happen was hard. Healing can sometimes be far from linear, and he knew all he could do to make things easier on Oswald was be patient and understanding.

Ed wrapped his arms around Oswald. It took a minute or two for Oswald’s breathing to slow back down to a steady pace. Oswald brought his hands away from his eyes and stared at himself in the mirror. 

“It’s my hair,” Oswald said, wiping a tear quickly from his eye as if out of embarrassment. “It just isn’t cooperating.”

Their eyes met in the mirror. Oswald looked defeated.

“I could fix it for you if you want.”

Oswald nodded sheepishly. Ed leaned down and picked up the fallen brush, setting it on the vanity before opting to use a comb to style Oswald’s hair. Oswald picked up a pen and began signing his name on a few of the documents after scanning through them.

“What’s all the paperwork for?”

“I’m just… behind. Like, days behind. Lately, I never feel caught up. I woke up really early to get a head start but there’s so much.”

“Mr. Stemmel isn’t being of any help then?” Ed never did like Tarquin, and knowing he probably contributed to Oswald’s stress made him dislike the man all the more.

“Absolutely not. All he does is smile and act cute for the press.”

“Cute, huh?” 

Oswald laughed. They both knew Ed was just playing, but Oswald indulged him.

“My dearest Edward, you aren’t jealous, are you?”

“Me? Jealous? Never. And besides, I’m smarter than he is.”  
  


“And prettier.”

They both grinned, Ed flattered by Oswald’s compliment. 

“I’m going to have him fired within the hour. I’m not sure who to replace him with yet but quite literally _ anyone _would be a better fit. I’m too busy to be doing his work for him.”

“So… you aren’t considering me for the position then?” Ed asked, eyes focused on Oswald’s hair which was admittedly much more difficult to style than he’d anticipated. He could see why Oswald had gotten overwhelmed.

“I didn’t think you’d want to come back.”

“Well, I do miss having a job. And I did have a handsome boss.”

Oswald turned to face Ed straight on. 

“Do you mean that?”

Ed nodded. 

“Both parts.”

A big smile spread across Oswald’s lips and Ed felt his heart skip a beat.

“Edward Nygma, would you do me the great honor of being my chief of staff?”

“It would be my pleasure.”

Oswald got up from the stool and hugged Ed, leaning up on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Ed’s neck. 

“Thank you for coming back to me,” Oswald whispered, almost inaudibly.

Ed knew at that moment he could see himself spending the rest of his life with him.

“I’m happy to be home.”

As the hug dissolved, Ed grabbed hairspray to finish up with Oswald’s hair. When he was finished, he turned Oswald to face the mirror.

“Do you like it?”

Oswald smiled upon seeing his reflection, tears welling in his eyes. Happy tears this time.

“I love it.”

——

The two separated to get dressed and met again at the kitchen table. Ed held out Oswald’s chair, being ever the gentleman. Olga wasn’t already waiting for them so Ed grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl.

“Did you know that potassium can help reduce blood pressure?” Ed asked, peeling it open.

“It’s also important for action potential in neurons. So is sodium.”

Ed looked at him, impressed.

“I never knew you liked biology so much.”

“Oh, it’s always fascinated me. I grew up saying I was going to become a doctor.”

They heard Olga’s footsteps and automatically Ed brought one of Oswald’s hands into his own.

“Really? Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t have the resources for it. I didn’t have the money to spend on going to a big university, I wouldn’t have qualified for very many scholarships, and even if I were to go to a community college, I was so busy that my grades probably would have suffered. I was always working to support myself and my mom so college wasn’t ever a realistic plan for me.”

Olga arrived with food and they both greeted her with a “good morning”. She obviously noticed that they were holding hands and in good spirits because after both serving them breakfast, she winked at Oswald. When she left, Oswald spoke again.

“Why didn’t you become a doctor? I know that it definitely would have benefited you at the GCPD.”

Ed thought for a moment before answering. 

“I lived in Gotham until I was in middle school when my family moved to Central City for work. I came back to Gotham when I went to GCU on a full-ride scholarship, mostly to get away from my parents. I didn’t have any other kind of financial backing outside of the scholarship, so when I graduated, I knew I needed to get a job. It’s alright though, I love forensics and I was excited to start working.”

“You never talk about your family,” Oswald stated simply, allowing Ed to elaborate only if he felt comfortable doing so.

“There’s not much to say. The Nashtons are lousy people with lousy lives.”

“Nashtons?” 

“I changed my last name once I got my own place. It didn’t feel right to keep the name of people who don’t associate with me.”

Oswald squeezed Ed’s hand reassuringly.

“I never knew, but I think your last name suits you nicely. There’s so much I don’t know about you.”

“I’m willing to tell you whatever you want to know.”

“I’m willing to listen to whatever you’d like to tell me.”

The day continued in a blur of meetings and paperwork, yet Ed and Os couldn’t have been more content. Perhaps the most enjoyable part of their day occurred during the official termination of Tarquin from his chief of staff position.

“Mr. Stemmel, Mr. Nygma will be returning as my chief of staff. You may pack your things.”

“But sir, _ I’m _ your chief of staff. It’s not his job to take back.”

“Can you tell me what you’ve done as chief of staff besides attend press conferences and flirt with the women who work in my office?”

Tarquin looked absolutely dumbstruck to the shared amusement of Ed and Oswald.

“Your termination is effective immediately. Here’s a box for your things.”

Tarquin took the box aggressively out of Oswald’s hands and brushed past him without saying another word. He looked like a toddler who hadn’t gotten his way. It was, in a word, hilarious.

Oswald felt more productive than he had in a while - even getting almost completely caught up and back on schedule - and it was no doubt thanks to all of Ed’s help. He’d almost forgotten how much of a hard worker Ed is.

As the end of the day approached Ed inquired, “Do you know what Olga’s making for dinner?”

They were both exiting a car in front of the mansion, having just returned from the office.

“Dinner…” Oswald started, trying to remember why that word suddenly stood out in his mind. “Wait, today isn’t Monday, right?”

Ed shook his head, “No, it _is_ Monday. Why?”

Oswald cursed under his breath and checked his watch.

“Ed, I’m so sorry, I have a meeting that I need to get to urgently.”

“Oh. That’s alright, where is it?”

“Wayne Manor,” Oswald replied, looking in the car’s side mirror as he made sure he still appeared professional.

“You’re going to meet with Bruce Wayne? Why?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out - contingent upon it going well. I want to make a deal, but I’m not sure he’ll agree to it.”

Oswald pressed a kiss to Ed’s cheek.

“I don’t know how late I’ll be getting home, so please don’t wait up on me.”

“Okay. Good luck!”

Oswald got back in the car, and as soon as he shut his door the car sped off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy belated valentine’s day my darlings! i hope you’re all doing well! <3


	4. ROT13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE, if you’re subscribed to this work and are just now reading this chapter, I’ve changed my username. I was formally @nopethebookwasbetter. It’s still me!!

“The only thing you got in this world is what you can sell. And the funny thing is that you're a salesman, and you don't know that.”

\- Arthur Miller,  _ Death of a Salesman _

——

The sheer size of Wayne Manor always took Oswald by surprise, albeit he hardly visited. It seemed somewhat excessive for a teenager and his butler. Perhaps Bruce housed more servants or hosted extended family more often than he realized. In any case, Oswald could appreciate the beauty of the manor’s architecture.

Before he had the chance to knock or ring the doorbell, the door swung open and he was welcomed by Alfred. Well, “welcomed” isn’t quite the word for it; being ushered in by an unsmiling man who didn’t say a word to him didn’t exactly feel welcoming. Alfred eyed Oswald suspiciously as he led him through Wayne Manor and into the vast room where Bruce was sitting, awaiting his arrival, behind a large dark oak desk. Upon seeing Oswald, Bruce rose from his chair and greeted him with a curt nod and a gracious smile. Any suspicion Bruce had about the mayor’s visit was well-masked with his calm composure. Alfred could learn a thing or two from this kid.

“It’s good to see you, Bruce. How have you been?”

Alfred quietly excused himself from the room and shut the door as the two shook hands. Given how mistrusting he’d behaved, Oswald wouldn’t be too surprised if the butler waited outside to listen in on their conversation. The Penguin’s association with the criminal underworld wasn’t exactly unknown to the public, so he couldn’t say he blamed the man for being cautious.

“Never better, Mayor Cobblepot. A bit busy though. How are you?”

“Oh please, just ‘Oswald’ is fine. I’ve been busy myself.”

“I see. Alright then, Oswald, what is it you’d like to discuss?”

“I’d like to start off by saying you and I… we have a lot in common. More than you might think.” 

Oswald knew better than to mess with his cane, or to fidget at all while discussing business, but he couldn’t help himself. He rocked it back and forth between both of his hands nervously. He didn’t know why, but the fear that Bruce might end up saying ‘no’ to his offer was enough to make him anxious.

“I watched my mother and father die, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it.” Bruce’s smile disappeared.

“As you likely have heard already, my mother, the sweetest woman I’d ever known, was stabbed because a couple of people were angry with me. My father was a very generous and kind man. I met him for the very first time while visiting my mother’s grave - he never knew my mother had gotten pregnant with his child. He opened his home to me and believed that I was capable of being a good person, even when I wasn’t so sure. He was poisoned, and I watched him die just as I watched my mother die.”

Bruce cleared his throat before saying, “my condolences.” His eyes no longer met Oswald’s but instead looked at a picture frame on his desk.

“We’re both very lucky,” Oswald added, and Bruce’s gaze returned to him.

“You got the Wayne Manor and I got the Van Dahl Mansion. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not much, and it doesn’t bring them back, but not everyone can lose their parents and still have a place to go home to. We’ve both suffered immense losses, but we’re also both fortunate enough to have resources to help people who have suffered like we have. The orphans of Gotham.”

Bruce was quiet for a while, contemplating. 

“What are you proposing?”

“I understand that you and Wayne Foundation fund many charities  _ and _ the two major orphanages in Gotham: St. Swithin’s Home for Boys and Gotham City Orphanage.”

Bruce nodded but furrowed his brows as he tried to figure out what the mayor was getting at.

“What you and your family’s foundation have done to contribute to the community is incredibly admirable, but there’s something you should know. I made a few phone calls recently. Apparently, in the past two weeks alone, St. Swithin's had to turn away seven young men because they didn’t have enough beds or staff to accommodate them. Gotham City Orphanage had to turn away nineteen boys and girls in the past month for the same reason.”

The young billionaire looked taken aback and even a bit angry. He gaped, shaking his head before saying, “I had no idea. If I did I would have-”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done, Bruce. There’s too many children on the streets for what either orphanage can handle. That doesn’t mean those orphanages aren’t helping people, they just aren’t helping  _ enough _ people. I’m proposing that you and I open another orphanage in Gotham, together.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea… but, I do have to ask, why not use money from the city’s budget to fund it? Why come to me at all?”

“Why use Gothamite money when I can afford to fund it? Your financial support, while greatly appreciated, matters much less to me than knowing you’ll be a part of this orphanage’s creation. I want this to be a real home for these kids, and I knew you would understand that.”

“Wow… I’m - well, I’m not sure what I expected when you asked to meet, but I’m very pleasantly surprised. We’ll need to get everything in writing, but I would love to partner with you to open another orphanage.”

A smile spread across Oswald’s lips and he rested his cane against the desk. It’s funny how things work out. He’d originally had the idea when he first became mayor, thinking of how proud his parents would be if they were there to witness him make it happen. When he first began visiting schools as a mayoral duty (because maintaining a good image in itself was a duty) though, he believed that he didn’t want to start any projects that involve helping children, seeing how loud and ill-mannered they could be. That was until he noticed how many kids were excluded from everyone else, isolated from their peers, and he was reminded of how he felt growing up. There were children trapped in circumstances out of their control who were worth fighting for. In a spur of the moment choice, and in a state of impulsivity after Ed had just left, Oswald called Bruce, thinking he wouldn’t even answer. They set a date to meet, and again, he thought Bruce wouldn’t give him the time of day, and would either forget about the meeting, or say no to his request outright. But life is full of surprises as he’s learned over and over again as of late.

“I’m so glad to hear that. I already have a property in mind and a very eager contractor - I’ll put you in touch with her. However, there is one little detail I’ll like to discuss before we move forward.”

“A condition?”

“Only a request.”

——

The Riddler lie with his body stretched out on a couch in one of the spare rooms. Ed sat facing him, leg shaking nervously and hands clasped together. Their personalities had merged… mostly. See, visual and auditory projections of his ego, or otherwise unconscious mind, had never been entirely absent in Ed’s life. It was just a part of who he was. As such, Ed was still able to bring Riddler out during times he desperately needed advice, even though that was hardly ever nowadays.

“It’s been a little while Ed, what’s got you so worked up that you want me around? Are you starting to miss me?” Riddler asked, feigning a look of tenderness.

“I’m falling for him.”   
  


Riddler rolled his eyes and let out a dramatic sigh.

“You need me to confirm that? You’re ridiculous. And predictable.”

“No, you don’t understand, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before.”

“What about Kristen and Isabella?” He asked disinterestedly, examining his nails. He did, of course, already know what Ed was going to say, but that didn’t stop Ed from replying.

“No, no - this is different. I’ve never felt for anyone else what I feel for him. Even when I’m upset, I still want to take care of him. I trust him, I respect him, and it doesn’t matter if I’m happy, worried, or angry, he always looks at me the same. Like… like he sees something in me that no one else does. But I’ve messed everything up. I have no idea what Barbara, Tabitiha and Butch are plotting which means I don’t know how to protect him. I dug myself into a hole and dragged him into it.”

“‘Dragged him into it’? Now where have I heard that before? Oh I know, didn’t you say something similar last night when you were talking with Oswald and agreed to work this out  _ together _ ? Or are you just conveniently forgetting that conversation so you can wallow in self-pity?”

“Oh I’m sorry, are  _ you _ forgetting that he had a suicide attempt earlier this week? He doesn’t need another thing to worry about right now.”

“You’re afraid of losing him,” Riddler said, as if stating a grand conclusion that Ed had yet to come to.

“Well, obviously but-”

Riddler cut him off, clearly not finished with his thought.

“That’s why you needed to talk to me. That’s why you’ve been acting like nothing is wrong, knowing full well what a dangerous position you’ve put him and yourself in. So what’s your plan then? To keep taking him on trips, to get him to step down as mayor, or to move him out of Gotham? The damage is done - you’re expected to kill him. There’s no sugarcoating it. None of this is going to go away because you love him. You can’t let the fear of losing him stop you from coming up with a plan. Cherish him, but start piecing together some sort of strategy. You two can live happily ever after once all of this is over.”

Ed sighed, rubbing his temples anxiously. Riddler was right.

“Eddie. You know I only come to visit when you start getting nervous. I know you’re worried, but now is not the time to panic and start making mistakes. Think logically, how can you turn this around?”

“I guess - uh, I’ll need something to use against Barbara - something good enough to bring down Butch and Tabitha too.”

“Exactly, leverage. In the meantime, while you figure out how to get that leverage, remember you’ve still got a role to play. Don’t give the trio of idiots reason to believe you’re going behind their backs. You’re already treading on thin ice trying to convince Tabby Cat and Captain Hook that they should trust you, so don’t give them any more reason to doubt your intentions.”

“Okay, got it. How do you think I should get leverage?”

“If I were you, which, I am, I wo-”

A knock at the door cut Riddler off, and he vanished just as quickly as he appeared.  _ What wonderful timing. _

“Ed?” Oswald asked, opening the door and peering in.

“Oswald, you’re back!” 

Ed stood up and walked over to him, greeting him with a gentle kiss. Oswald grinned and he couldn’t help but do the same. Ed tried to avoid it, but he could still remember how fragile Oswald was, shaking in his arms. It felt so good to see his little bird happy, even in fleeting moments. Every single smile or laugh that came from him felt like a victory of sorts.

“I have good news, care to join me in the dining room?”

Together they went to the table, Olga coming in with a tray of food to serve Oswald his dinner. She offered to bring Ed a slice of lemon cake, which he gladly accepted.

“I’m predicting your good news has something to do with your visit with Bruce Wayne - am I right?” 

Immediately realizing he’d said that in front of Olga, who was still working diligently and was likely listening in on details of their conversation, Ed backtracked. He was so excited to talk to Oswald that he wasn’t paying enough attention to his surroundings. It was just as Riddler said, now wasn’t the time to start making mistakes.

“Of course, we can discuss that at another time if you’d like. I’d hate to interrupt your meal with idle chatter.”

Oswald gave Ed a knowing look and smiled.

“Nonsense! I love our talks. And you’re quite right, as usual, this is in regard to my meeting with Bruce Wayne. He and I will be opening an orphanage together.”

Opening an orphanage, while not one of Oswald’s most outlandish ideas, wasn’t the business proposal Ed figured that Oswald would bring to Bruce. He didn’t even know that Oswald cared for children that much. But Ed was supportive of Oswald and his aspirations, so even though he was surprised at such a seemingly random arrangement, he tried his best not to appear puzzled. 

“Oh, well that’s - that’s quite the endeavor. Congratulations for getting him on board!”

“Thank you my dear! I got the impression that he really liked the idea. We’re working out a lot of the details now.”

“That’s great news! And I think he’s the perfect person to partner with on this, given his resources and… past.”

“Actually, about that. I have a question for you.”

“Okay, what’s on your mind?”

Olga had left the dining room, and the distant sound of a door shutting was all the confirmation the pair needed to know that their conversation was finally private.

“Any particular reason you wanted Olga to hear all of that?” Ed asked almost instantly, abandoning their previous discussion to satiate his curiosity.

“I want Barbara to get the impression that I’m making plans for the future - plans that involve lots of preparation. She needs to believe that I trust you enough to share those plans with you.”

“Because that would mean you have no suspicion that I have intent to do you harm.”

“Exactly.”

“Is the deal real then? Are you opening an orphanage?”

Oswald’s previous confident and joyous demeanor faltered, as if he felt judged by Ed’s questions.

“I know the idea might sound foolish, but yes,” Oswald replied, clearly downplaying how important it was to him. 

“I don’t think it sounds foolish at all. It’s a little bit unexpected, but if it’s something you want to do, I’m excited for you.” 

“It’s been on my mind for quite awhile now - I want to open this orphanage. I need something to look forward to, something to give me purpose. I want to know that I’m making some kind of difference in the world. A good difference.”

“Oswald, I know you’re capable of whatever you set your mind to. I’m so proud of you for being willing to find purpose. This is a big step for you.”

“Do you want to be a part of this with me?” Oswald blurted out, quickly adding more context before letting Ed respond. “That’s what I was trying to ask you earlier. I don’t know everything about your family dynamic, but from what you’ve said, I get the impression you’re not very close with any of the Nashtons. The whole idea behind me and Bruce joining forces to open this orphanage is that we both know what it’s like to lose family. I was wondering if maybe you’d want to be an honorary orphan and help me and Bruce navigate this whole thing?” 

“That’s so - gosh, that’s so thoughtful, of course I would like to. I don’t exactly love children, but I do love y- uh, working with you.” 

_ Nice save,  _ Ed could hear Riddler jeer from somewhere in his mind. Oswald appeared entirely oblivious to Ed’s near outburst of affection, only smiling appreciatively.

“I’m really glad to hear you say that, Ed. It means a lot to me that you’re so supportive.”

The two ate and continued on talking, luckily (for Ed) without anymore Freudian slips. When they retired for the night, they once again decided on sleeping in the same room. They reasoned that if Olga noticed Ed’s bed hadn’t been slept in for the second night in a row since he’d come back, that his and Oswald’s relationship was, well,  _ moving rather quickly _ , as one might say. If there was one thing Ed knew he could count on, it was Olga blabbering to Barbara about her numerous presumptions.

——

The next morning, Oswald woke to a kiss on his forehead. Actually, several kisses, since that was Ed’s strategy of waking him. When Ed saw that his strategy was effective, he just smiled and said, “good morning, little bird.” The morning light that filled the room as it poked in through the windows illuminated Ed’s face, and Oswald thought he looked like an angel.

“Good morning, Ed.”

If given the choice, Oswald would stay in bed with Ed all day, reveling in his warmth. His job took away that option entirely, but he was content knowing there were hopefully many more mornings to like this to come.

“Five more minutes?” Oswald asked, snuggling closer to him. Ed chuckled amusedly.

“That’s fine with me.”

They arrived to work about an hour later, dressed, fed, and ready to start the day. Ed would need some time before he could start making Oswald full schedules like he used to, as he was still having to catch up on the work Tarquin had neglected, and he had to reorganize all of the paperwork and files that had been moved around. Oswald was fortunate enough to only have two meetings to attend, so he’d planned on helping Ed however he could throughout the day.

When they both approached Oswald's office, a woman stood, looking around as if she was searching for something but was lost. She appeared to be in her late twenties or early thirties, with short, light brown hair and dark brown eyes, and wore round glasses with thin frames. Just as Oswald was about to ask the woman if he could help her, Ed spoke up.

“Jo?”

The woman turned and looked at Ed, and she grinned excitedly.

“Eddie?”

The two embraced, hugging each other as if their reunion was long overdue. When they took a step back from each other, the woman, Jo, was still smiling, staring fondly at Ed. Ed mirrored her expression, and Oswald didn’t know what to make of their relationship. He almost felt out of place watching them, as if witnessing a moment of intimacy that shouldn’t be tarnished with outside observation.

“It really has been too long.”

“Far too long. What brings you to Gotham?”

“Work, mostly. I’d heard a while back that you’d become Chief of Staff and I knew I had to pay you a visit while I was in town.”

“I’m very glad that you did,” Ed said. He turned, eager to introduce them. “Oswald, this is Joanna Morcom, or just ‘Jo’ or ‘Joey’. She and I went to high school in Central City together.”

“Oh my goodness, you must be the mayor! It’s so lovely to meet you!” Her eyes were full of kindness and her handshake was firm without being too assertive. She was friendly with a flair of eccentricity, like a midday sunshower. Oswald could see what had drawn her and Ed to being friends in the first place.

“It’s nice to meet you as well. You and Ed must have been good friends in school,” Oswald remarked politely, not really knowing what else to say.

“Back in the day, me and Eddie were absolutely inseparable. Attached at the hip.”

Ed nodded, adding, “she was one of the few people who tolerated my riddles. Most people couldn’t stand them.”

“‘Tolerated’ is a bit of an understatement, I used to look forward to them every day. And besides, you put up with all of my cryptology nonsense.”

Joanna looked down at her watch and her eyes widened slightly.

“Oh dear, it looks like I haven’t been paying close enough attention to the time. I’m sorry to leave so soon, but I have to run a few errands today and I’d hate to be late. It was great meeting you, Oswald. Eddie, I can’t wait to see you again.”

She slipped a note into Ed’s hand and turned to leave, quickly waving goodbye to both of them. Wherever she was going, she did seem to be in quite the hurry.

Ed opened the note, and Oswald looked at its contents with him. It was an incoherent jumble of letters that read: Qb lbh jnag gb trg n pbssrr yngre?

The only thing Oswald was able to make out were the unmistakable ten digits of a phone number written at the bottom of the note.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve missed you all so much!! Happy belated Juneteenth and Independence Day to all my American readers, and happy belated Canada Day to all my Canadian readers :)


End file.
